Ocean Of Perspectives

There are a few psychologists who preach that unhappily married couples with children should stay together until they are grown, for the kids’ sake. One I read not only endorses this thinking, but also promotes waiting until after the kids are graduated from college. Of course there are other psychologists who disagree with either thought. Frankly, its one debate that I feel does not have a right or wrong answer. It simply depends on the situation and the people involved. For myself, I grew up wishing my parents would divorce. Not everyone has the capacity to live with another with whom they have feelings of disrespect, emotional/physical betrayal or some other intolerable behavior. Some people are what I call saboteurs. By that I mean, no matter what goals or effort one makes for the benefit of all involved, the saboteur will consciously or unconsciously do something that will prevent the end results from being realized. An example of that could be one spouse sets a goal to save money for a big purchase like a new car or whatever and the other spouse spends that money on an impulse purchase, gambling, etc. Despite discussions and agreements made between the two parties, the saboteur will do something counter productive to the agreement or goal.

A person can inflict emotional and mental pain without being overtly abusive. Neglect, secretiveness and inattentiveness can cause emotional and mental pain as well, if it’s a frequent behavioral pattern. I don’t know of anyone who enters a relationship so they can be ignored or shut out by their partner. Relationships and marriages are about companionship, communication, caring for each other, and sharing. Sometimes a relationship can’t survive breakdowns in these areas because of the negative impact it has on the one feeling its affects. Breakdowns in communications between partners can be a real killer in relationships. Also one partner’s lack of interest or cooperation when discussing what changes are needed for the sake of the relationship or their failure to follow through, in my experience, means the relationship is a lost cause, I do not think there is one answer to cover all situations. If you analyze your situation and are realistic about whether your spouse and you will be able to provide a loving environment together for your children, despite a breakdown in your marital relationship, then you will know whether or not to divorce.

Tags: Healing, relationships //